It appears as though we have continued to confuse the word “friend” with acquaintance, affiliate, and team mate. We casually throw down “friend” without first testing it’s weight. The word “friend” has become a cheap word, prostituted for making connections.
Psst: That woman, you know- the one who works within the walls of your local Patriarchy, I hate to break it to you, but she is not, nor will ever be, your friend.
“No way”, we say, “she says she loves me, she always hugs me, she tells me she cares! I’m her girl!”
But, year after year, the same stories arise:
“In a conflict, she just stopped communicating with me.”
“I realized I had become a member of her fan club.”
“She didn’t have my back. She didn’t stand up for me when people were talking about me.”
“She shared my private story without my permission.”
As we all listened as Senator Susan Collins (R-ME) devalued Dr. Ford’s testimony of abuse, and found no harm in supporting a man of his character as Supreme Court Judge, we can no longer ignore the presence of the most deceptive of misogynists: women in positional power.
This is the woman I talk to my daughters about, this is the woman I have come to find is the best at flattery, the greatest at trite comments while meticulously pretending to be your ally but knowing full well she cannot come through.
Her powerless position within the Patriarchy affords her an allowance to “reside over” some aspect of the organization. And she is grateful to serve these men. This is called proximal power.
As a result, your role can only be one of a maid servant, when something needs done, a mentee, when she wants to preach, or a gal-pal when she needs someone to vent or gossip to.
But, a close friend, to her, you will never be.
Because the positional power she holds is far too precious to jeopardize with any kind of advocacy or solidarity that may challenge the Patriarchal order of her tribe.
Issues that affect women in her organization fare low in value when her reign is at risk. Similarly, as we watched with Susan Collins, issues that affect the women in this nation fare low in value to her, as well.
In the church culture, I’ve watched these women defend “their men”, hide behind the doors of their organizations when confronted, and withhold communication from even their most long standing of friends.
All for the sake of protecting this precious proximal power.
Weeding out these women from my own life has proven to be both empowering and liberating, a necessary practice for my survival and my ability to thrive.
These women continue to show themselves to be stumps in the road, causing others to stumble and slow their stride.
To uproot the patriarchy would be to sink the ship that carries them, which explains how this deep seated fear keeps them clinging to positional power, striving for value, and making their lifelong allegiance to the patriarchy essential as bread and butter.
So, please, do not take it personal when her cheerleading for you seems to have slowly slipped away.
Do not pick yourself apart when she ghosts you. Do not receive it as shame, when her encouraging notes stop coming in or she has removed herself from any and all communications with you.
Because, dear one, it is not about you one bit.
As your mind continues to develop and as your heart continues to expand, those whose power is derived from an elevated position over you will eventually fix themselves to remain behind.
Just as you pass a lamppost on your steady stroll upward and onward, those with a fixed mindset will stay fastened in time to their primitive thinking.
And we must let them.
Primitive minds thrive on a scarcity mindset, a fixed mindset, and fear-based thinking. Primitive minds operate out of control and control cannot hold ground with forward thinking, or progressive ideas.
This is where we remember who we are, my thinking women.
Our minds renew each new day with fresh hope and an abundance of possibility.
Our hearts will continue to expand, as we condition them to.
Our thinking will continue to develop, as we encourage and allow it to.
We must be wise in these days.
We must be vigilant to discern truth from manipulation.
We must be the NEW MATRIARCHS.