You know that feeling you get when you don’t know something? Depending on what is lingering around in your mind right now, you may be experiencing good, or bad, vibrations.

  • Good vibes: you don’t know what’s in that Tiffany’s box sitting on your pillow; you don’t know when he is going to pop-the-question, or you don’t know how much your Christmas bonus is going to be this year – and it was a really good year.
  • Bad vibes : you don’t know what the diagnosis is; you don’t know why your friend is avoiding you, or you don’t know if he really is…The One.

The energy vibrations we receive when not knowing, are cues. They lead us towards discovery. Like when we open the Tiffany’s box, then we will know what is in it. There is a chase that is sparked when we don’t know. But what about people? How do we learn how to know people, to trust people, or to align with people?

When I think about knowing someone, I think about my husband, Michael.

I do not know Michael because his mother gave me a big book about who her son is. His brothers did not write to me about his integrity, his best friend did not share about his loyalty, and his grandfather did not get me up to speed on his character. And surely, his ex-wife did not give me the cliff notes on how he loves.

I know Michael because we have journeyed together. We have failed one another, and we practiced forgiveness. We have missed the mark, and we stuck around to practice a better aim.  We have practiced facing grief and pain together. We have practiced being in step with one another. We have practiced vulnerability while we practiced listening. We have practiced our sexuality while also practicing trust.

There is a journey to intimacy – it starts with a WE and it costs an investment of a lifetime.

Don’t be fooled into thinking there is a “fast track” to knowing or that there is a quick route to closeness. Intimacy is not a race. And it is definitely not on a time schedule.  Intimacy is not a destination, but a voyage. You must first purchase a ticket. Then you kinda have to show up. You have to get on the boat and let it take you out beyond the breakers into the unknown.

The key to intimacy is simple: remain in the understanding that you do not understand everything there is to know. The humility that comes out of knowing how much you don’t know has a hollowing effect. It clears a space for depth and growth,  makes room for trial and error. Humility also sparks a curiosity that stirs us to the start of a chase, a chase along a mysterious path that leads us towards a fullness of life we have not experienced…yet!

Some of us have a big book of miraculous mysteries, second-hand stories, and testimonies of faith. Some of us have been reading these stories our whole lives and yet never feel completely connected and sure in our understanding. So we strive. All the time. We strive. We have made it our life’s work to know more. We even stop living, stop exploring and stand still, hoping that this book will tell us more.

The truth is: no book will ever tell us everything we want to know about someone. We have to journey alongside them. Better yet, we get to. We get to go through the adventure of life, alongside them.

Here’s the catch: we must be willing to put down the book, put down the phone, put away the portrait that has been painted – and just be with them.  It’s a hands-free, eye-to-eye knowing. The more we engage in the journey towards knowing someone, the more we will see how much we don’t know. And isn’t that a sweet relief – to discover that we may never arrive at fully knowing? It leaves us with one very great revelation of the journey towards intimacy: enjoy the chase.




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Communications major. Journalist. Willing: to have the tough conversations. Living out the belief that communication strengthens connection.

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